If You Can’t Find It In Chinatown

I have an iPhone 5. I pre-ordered the phone when they were first released. I didn’t receive my phone for 3 weeks after that. After my first exciting week of being douchy new iPhone guy, I dropped it on the tile bathroom floor of my work and shattered the glass face.

This was the day before Hurricane Sandy closed the subways and the MTA was already practicing their emergency train route. As I mentioned in a previous posting, the J train ran to Hewes stop in Brooklyn and then everyone had to exit and take the shuttle bus across the Williamsburg bridge to Manhattan. That Saturday morning was chaotic because the entire eight train cars had to exit one set of stairs from the platform, exit the turnstiles and emergency exit, grab a ticket from an MTA worker, exit another set of stairs to street level, walk about a block and a half past the line we were all searching for the end of, then turn around and slowly work our way back to the shuttle buses lined up to drive us to Manhattan.

In hindsight, it was the MTA knowing they needed to shut down the rail system ahead of the approaching storm. I had no idea this was happening, and it was a rude awakening when I was just trying to get to work. When I showed up forty minutes late I was flustered by the trip and I hurriedly changed into my work clothes in the cramped bathroom. I went to put my brand new, slick aluminum, way thinner than my previous iPhone 3, practically a credit card in my hand, did I mention brand new mutherfuckin iPhone 5 into my backpack and it slipped right out my hand, face down on the tile. I knew I was fucked. I picked up my phone and the face was trashed. I can still use it. But I can barely read what I’m texting and my thumb is being carved into sandpaper.

I’ve been trying to find a replacement screen but nobody has one that will fit the iPhone 5. Everyone is telling me places to check out, but when you go to Chinatown and they tell you they don’t have it, where can you go?
This is where fake Rolexes, cheap noodles, and first run movies on DVD for a dollar live. If you can’t find it in Chinatown then you’re screwed.

So yes, I feel like a douchebag for buying a new iPhone and breaking it a week later, I didn’t even have time to buy a case, and no I didn’t take the insurance. I didn’t need it for 2 and a half years with my previous phone. I had a month to change my mind after I ordered the phone. Only problem was I waited for three weeks to get the phone from Apple and then UPS, and then I had the phone for just over a week when…well you know. Where October was a great month, November has been mediocre in comparison, even if the hurricane and the broken phone happened at the end of October, the hangover lasted through November. I left out the disappointing part of my college football team waiting until late November to lose their first game of the year, and eliminate themselves from playing for a national championship. That added to my foul mood.

Kind of like last year, I had a great birthday in Vegas with friends and family in October then came back to find out I was getting laid off at work. I spent November contemplating the future and ended up moving to New York. So I’m saying that happened for a reason. I’m not sure breaking my iPhone will make me a better person, unless that means I stare at it less in pubic. Here’s to a better December and hopefully the world isn’t about to end, but I will rant more about that next time.



I went to Manhattan for the first time this week. The J train ran to Hewes St where I boarded a shuttle bus that was taken everyone from my part of Brooklyn across the Williamsburg bridge. In the Lower East Side there was no power, people shuffled around on the streets. I felt like we were being repopulated in a previously quarantined, similar to the movie 28 Weeks Later when the citizens of London are returned to their supposedly zombie free zone.

Looking for a bus uptown I ended up talking to an older guy who lived in the area and had no power since Monday night- this was Friday afternoon. He confessed that the worst part was when he ran out of weed, something about a dealer that couldn’t charge a cell phone. Had he been a loyal reader, perhaps he would have been familiar with my Survival Kit For the Apocalypse.

I found a bus to Union Square then there was a big line for the bus uptown and I decided to walked the 26 blocks North.


You can see all the people waiting, and the cops in the background. Much praise to NYPD for all the men and women working overtime to help keep order, especially in the areas where the power was out.

Eventually the lights were on above 28th street, but coming home I saw parts of Lexington to the North of that which were still out. Mayor Bloomberg finally decided to cancel the NY Marathon later in the day, which was a good move a little too late. Unlike 9/11, hosting a sporting event in the wake of a natural disaster doesn’t prove shit to Mother Nature.


Now you know what Beyond stands for.

We were very busy at work, of course we were, half the city’s restaurants were closed. And everyone had a story of something crazy that happened to them, or someone they knew. Things is, we’re not out of this yet. People are still waiting for gas, and I’m waiting for my normal subway the Q to get up and running, but I’m not sure what the Canal street situation is. Perhaps its still flooded with water and smells like a giant Chinese soup. Now I’m hungry and have to go to Canal street. One last image for you, this one’s just plain messed up when you read the caption on this billboard. And by the way, Times Square never lost power.